Sunday, 27 September 2009

A ladies' garden essential: The Wheelie Wig

Now there comes a time in one’s life on this planet we call home when you look out of your window and your sense of the aesthetic is assaulted by the sight of a collection of wheelie bins.

Even if you are armed with a poetic disposition which programmes you to look for beauty in the mundane, the sight of a wheelie bin in your garden has the power to make you long for faux-foliage cover ups.

Enter the alliteration-friendly term Topiary Topper or Wheelie Wig – an invention by non-other than the fabulous Diana McLellan, prizewinning reporter, celebrated multi-syndicated former columnist of Ear on Washington, former Washingtonian editor and my current literary crush as the author of The Girls: Sappho Goes to Hollywood.

I could go on and on about why I think Diana is so fabulous, but for now I will focus on this genius invention - which allows the discerning gardener to cover up the rubbish bins with handpicked faux-ivy whilst re-creating an aerial shot of lady’s day at Ascot with all the topiary foliage.

In the above picture you can see how our Diana has taken time off from being effortlessly fabulous to actually lift a finger in order to demonstrate to us earth-dwelling folk how simple, light and necessary this invention really is.

Like plastic-surgery for bins, the use of faux foliage enhances all of the features of the bin by making them blend into a pre-determined ideal of what constitutes natural beauty.

In a nutshell, the Topiary Topper "is like a tea cozy for garbage." In the near future, I foresee this faux-ivy-bin-cozy-come-lady-garden-friend climb into the collective unconscious of and planting a seed in all of our beloved Chelsea folk sensibilities, whose wheelie bins are a thorn in our cities landscape.

For all those looking for a virtual mad-hatter's tea party, do visit


  1. That is great. Now if you add Binifresh to the wheelie bin it won't smell either, so that is really what I would call a win-win situation. You can't see it and you can't smell it!



  2. win-win indeed Helen, win-win indeed. Bin smells are just awful


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