London Girl Guest Stars Hit the Headlines

 

so much to say-so little time

It has been too long since I have updated the blog. A big thank you to all the readers who have dropped me an email to encourage me to post something.  Now that I am on holiday, I promise to write something at least once a day.

I was in Brussels for some meetings and then had a wild cocktail party at my house on Saturday – from which I am only just recovering from. In between all of these things, I have tried new beauty products from Thalgo, had a root canal done by my cute surfer dentist, almost got into a physical  fight with a  spanish tourist  who wanted to nick my cab, bumped into the women who did not give me that job, attended a conference under Chatham House rules, and bought some seaweed soap from lush.

Butt first (intentional typo for a change), let’s start with my two most featured London Girl guest stars:  Diana Mcllelan,  who’s pen was - and still is trust me – mightier than that pretzel George W(anker) Bush almost chocked on and Gypsy Wood, antipodean  burlesque babe with a  heart made of tassles and  rhinestones.

Both of these lovely ladies have hit the headlines recently with their antics across opposite time zones . Both ladies gave good soundbites during their press interviews.

THE TOPIARY TOPPER STRIKES AGAIN 

Not long ago, I wrote about Diana’s mission to cover up those hideous wheelie bins people like to accord prime retail position to by devising a cover-up mechanism which has left NASA’s greatest scratching their balls – I mean – heads. It is none other than the Topiary Trash-Can Topper, also affectionatly known as the Wheelie Wig in certain circles,  which is a form of plastic surgery for bins which allows them to blend into a pre-determined ideal of what constitues natural beauty. Diana's invention  was recently featured in a long article in the Washington Post. Hurrah. You saw  it here first though - back in September, when Diana gave me the scoop.

PHOTO CAPTION:Diana demonstrating her famed two finger-lift to the establishment  

Diana McLellan has seen a lot of ugly things in her life -- after all, she spent her career as a journalist, including a sublime decade when she was known as the "Ear," peddling gossip in, sequentially, each of D.C.'s daily newspapers: the Star, The Post, the Times.

But that doesn't mean she enjoys looking at ugly things, and as I sat in her Capitol Hill townhouse sipping tea and eating smoked salmon on crustless bread (the salmon was on crustless bread; I wasn't), Diana described her crusade to blot out at least a little of the world's hideousness. It's an invention she calls the Topiary Trash-Can Topper.

To continue reading the rest of the article in the Washinghton Post, please click HERE

GYPSY WOOD STIRS UP THE LIZARD SCENE

And our resident burlesque star Gypsy has been hitting the headlines in Australia because she performed a striptease as John Howard at Bob Hawke's birthday party. For the purposes of context - Hawke was the 23rd Prime Minister of Australia and longest serving Australian Labour Party Prime Minister.

According to reports, Hawke's wife Blanche d'Alpuget (sounds like a stripper's name) spent weeks planning for Gypsy to jump out of a birthday cake dressed as John Howard and do a strip tease, as a surprise at Hawke's 80th birthday bash . There is something about that lizard gene which makes politicians live for ever it seems. For this not familiar with the relation between Lizards and Politicians, please consult David Icke - you won't be disapointed.

Back to Hawke's Bash - Gypsy told me that the birthday boy got a total kick out of it. Well what do  ya say! Who would have thought that politicians, from all people, would enjoy a bit of good old-fashioned Bump'n'Grind, hey.

Here are some of Gypsy’s fabulous quotes:

“When I performed as John Howard I came out to God Save the Queen because John wasn't really a fan of a republic and gushed over the Queen every chance he got.”

"Then I performed and danced around  to Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word by Elton John” – this is super humorous move from Gypsy, as John Howard was notorious for not wanting to say SORRY to the Aborigines, an issue which remains a thorn in Australian politics.

"Then I did a strip tease which is my take on how politicians are very similar to strippers. I think strip tease and politics go together like icing on a cake."

Now you can’t say that we don’t feature quality dames here at London Girl, can you now.

A ladies' garden essential: The Wheelie Wig

Now there comes a time in one’s life on this planet we call home when you look out of your window and your sense of the aesthetic is assaulted by the sight of a collection of wheelie bins.

Even if you are armed with a poetic disposition which programmes you to look for beauty in the mundane, the sight of a wheelie bin in your garden has the power to make you long for faux-foliage cover ups.

Enter the alliteration-friendly term Topiary Topper or Wheelie Wig – an invention by non-other than the fabulous Diana McLellan, prizewinning reporter, celebrated multi-syndicated former columnist of Ear on Washington, former Washingtonian editor and my current literary crush as the author of The Girls: Sappho Goes to Hollywood.

I could go on and on about why I think Diana is so fabulous, but for now I will focus on this genius invention - which allows the discerning gardener to cover up the rubbish bins with handpicked faux-ivy whilst re-creating an aerial shot of lady’s day at Ascot with all the topiary foliage.

In the above picture you can see how our Diana has taken time off from being effortlessly fabulous to actually lift a finger in order to demonstrate to us earth-dwelling folk how simple, light and necessary this invention really is.

Like plastic-surgery for bins, the use of faux foliage enhances all of the features of the bin by making them blend into a pre-determined ideal of what constitutes natural beauty.

In a nutshell, the Topiary Topper "is like a tea cozy for garbage." In the near future, I foresee this faux-ivy-bin-cozy-come-lady-garden-friend climb into the collective unconscious of and planting a seed in all of our beloved Chelsea folk sensibilities, whose wheelie bins are a thorn in our cities landscape.

For all those looking for a virtual mad-hatter's tea party, do visit http://whoneedsflowers.blogspot.com/